2023's Unhinged Lessons

 Chali kale, teh? 

*****

It's been nearly 8 months since we last chatted and what a rollercoaster!

That being said... aren't we still here, our heads above water?

Also, I'm a new age... the big 2️⃣8️⃣! 🎊

So even if we are  nearly 2 months into 2024, I sat down to reflect what I learned about the crazy year that was 2023:

Employment won't save me from poverty!

Given my unemployed start to 2023, you would think I knew this already, right?

Wrong! 

I set my heights on getting a job in the Big Apple of Zambia. Well, let's just say it didn't work as planned. I (exceptionally) worked 3 different jobs in one year alone 😂- with nearly nothing to show for it.

So yeah, this job thing isn't exactly building generational wealth for me and mine. 

Could it be time we let it go? 

Parenting gets harder with the years

I have a near 8-year old now. They lied, it gets harder as they get older. I have learnt to accept she's another human being, with a head of her own, that entells processing her feelings and ready to face her way of reasoning in different situations.

Nothing will find you at home. 

Aside your housemates that left you there.

While I wasn't jet setting around the globe meeting different people, I made sure to sell myself to the people around me. I built great networks within work, friends and family. This created amazing new friendships.

The last year would have panned out differently without the connections I made.

Try it all out.... who will beat you?

That man said the more you f** around, the more you find out.

So off I went & tried out new things... Blogging my love for homemade cooking, learnt balloon decor, mastered a social algorithm.... if I thought it, I did it.

Did they pay off? 

Yes, with contentment of knowing I can do it.

Ichefye..

I know we hear of the humility sermon everywhere all the time. It's almost a broken record.

Be humble when you're down and out.

And most importantly when you're at your best.

That's the real litmus test to humility.

In both instances, 2023 really taught me that humility does pay off. Not mastering it brings more problems atop the already existing economic doldrums.

So pick your struggle, mate.

Over and above, I'm glad 2023 happened.

Catastrophes, joys and all. 

I lived through that.

No, God helped me live through that.

I laughed, I cried, I shaved off my hair, grew it back, cooked, ate, drank, loved, was loved and grew in ways that God saw necessary for my next phase in life.

While at 28, I'm back to being unemployed, living with my sister (alongside my daughter... yes you read right), still struggling with my marketing consultancy (it has a name and face now though), uncertain about tomorrow's finances... 

Thank God I am also still healthy, happy, optimistic, surrounded by family and friends that love me- and that's greater than all the Ls.

Because at the end of the day?

Nivi life che.

*******

In A Split Second 💀

 14th June, 2023 19:45 CAT (or at least I thought that was the time).....

*****

I'm not still sure if it was the strawberry splash that got too sweet or the sigh of relief knowing I was only a few yards away from home to relieve my right arm that carried my heavy handbag (also known as my makeshift home😅)..

.... I really don't know what diverted my attention and held my guard down from the surroundings for a split second that day. 

Before I could say YABA- a fair-skinned gent (no younger than 23) from a white Toyota Allion (that honestly seemed to have appeared from nowhwere) swang at me from the car's rear window. 

I was so caught off guard at why this gent was reaching for my strawberry splash😅 that was now lying strewn on Benakale Road..... 

Didn't he know it cost K30 & forfeited tomorrow's lunch?

Follow me carefully now- because a lot happened in this very split second....

And again before I could say NGEFI... I realised Mr. Fair Skinned didnt want my splash! Yamaz had swung for my handbag! 

Now this bag wasn't your regular lady-handbag...

This handbag had my life's contents: my purse with all IDs, my large tub of body cream just purchased, my most loved jotter, my sister's Tupperware with remnants of my work lunch, spare toothbrush, toothpaste, favourite pens...  See if I could fit my work uniform in this bag, I would've 😂... This was a makeshift home (not that I have no permanent residence)...It's just me to carry everything everywhere!

While it dawned on me I was in a tassle for my handbag in my OWN neighbourhood, life if this battle was lost flashed before my eyes.... And you know what became of Peter when he stopped looking at Jesus on his first attempt at walking on water.

My loss of focus in this scuffle coupled with Yamaz pulling a pocket knife -towards the bag's straps before my hysterical screaming drew a crowd- compelled me to let go while I screamed at the car speed off into Great East Road.

What just happened? 

Did I just star in one of those early 2000s Nigerian blockbusters that introduced us to African armed robbery? Because how else did I just witness this?

Then the feelings came. Alongside reality.

I was mugged. I was robbed. Someone violated me.

 I had no bag. Or purse. I thought to call my sister... wait..I had no phone. Not the one I used for work/ business. Not even the one I had borrowed a few months ago- whose screen I intended to fix as a sign of gratitude on handing it back to it's owner.

I think that when I stopped screaming.

I realised I had nothing & screaming wasn't going to help anymore.

I had no ID, no bank cards, no lotion, not the weeks allocated money nor my last dosage of Amoxicillin from the previous weekend's bout of a cold😂 not even the strawberry splash I sacrificed tomorrow's lunch for.

The commotion of the guards in the street throwing stones at the speeding car, the drive by a well-wisher to the nearby police station and consequently how I got home and into my bedroom was a blur. 

I HAD BEEN ROBBED.

*****

The repercussions of this "snatch & run" have cost me time on projects, customers (work & business) and ultimately money.

But I gained more than lost:

1. A bigger dose of tenacity. And who wouldn't standing for 11 hours in line waiting to replace an NRC🙄. Not a tear shed (I cry more than my tough exterior).

2.My vulnerability taught me a bigger sense of gratitude. Not one who likes to beg, I had to rely on my elder sister for everything that required a coin- at 27 years old!

3. Throughout the ordeal of recovering the little but crucial things lost..not once did I wish those thieving boys harm. Lesa talala pamwesu. This was my biggest gain.

Am I okay? Not quite, I don't think I'll ever be. 

I walk faster (or run🏃🏿‍♂️) at the sight of a car in a street-PTSD much😅.

I dread walking after 5pm.

Worse still, I dare not carry a handbag lest I'm spotted again 😅.

I can laugh about it now because, nivi life che.

A Letter📝 to My 7 Year Old

Dear Nkinza,

 

I'm sure you can't read this in totality at the time of writing, but that's why I'm writing I guess. I hope you'll get to read this one day and it reassures you of who you are. 

Here's 7 things you should remember as today's your 7th birthday. 

1. If I don't tell you enough, you're my EVERYTHING. Yes yes, every child is their mother's pride & joy....but your own is different. Because all of a sudden, you slapped 20 year-old me into thinking and doing everything centered around you. That's no small feat because my head can be everywhere sometimes 😅. Whenever you second-guess my intentions, know it's all for you.. You are the best decision I ever made. 

2. You're BEAUTIFUL.... I like to joke that between you, Aggie (my birth mum) & myself, I'm the beauty of the lot... Nope .. You're the most beautiful girl of us all.... From you smile, your infectious laughter and good nature around even strangers...you exude beauty. 

As you grow, this world will place unrealistic standards of beauty before you- don't you dare forget- you're Natasha's daughter.. you couldn't be any less beautiful.

3. You're CONFIDENT... I've seen and heard your confidence talk you out of many situations a child your age would break down over... Not my Nkinza... Keep that confidence going forward... life won't baby you into being comfortable and content in who you are.

4. My little warrior .... You're RESILIENT...

From leaving you at 4 months to return to school even till now that I'm not with you... you have shown so much strength than I could ever have. Whereas your resilience breaks my heart most times, I'm glad you're as a much of a fighter as I am. No situation should bring you hopelessness, you can always rise above the water.

5. I knew you took 75% of my medulla the day you were born- you're too SMART! Show me a child that fluently speaks 3 languages effortless at 2? Show a child that adapts to the level of intellect required of her at any given time? You're inquisitive to know more of life- that's a plus, don't stop asking questions, as long I am alive, I'll give my best shot at them (after all I operate at 25% now😅)

Where I can't give you a satisfying answer- go search for it till you find it. That's the only way you'll learn. 

6. Life isn't straightforward.... but your choices can help navigate the Ls. Bad choices will be made, how you bounce back is what matters.... You don't have to have everything figured out, (if you do, kudos kid👏🏿 that's our aim) and when you don't, go back, "simmer down"(as you like to imitate me) & restrategise. 

7. Nothing about your life is ordinary. I'd know- I was there at 14:30 on the 15th May, 2016. You're a force to be reckoned with.  

PS: I love you 

Today, we aren't ending with the usual nivi life che... nothing about my child's life is yawe yawe.... 

Life Lately 🥴

 Life has been life-ing... But I'm here and so are you 🤜🏿🤛🏿 so let's get right into it. 

*******

First things first... CONGRATULATIONS🎉🍾🥂🍻! You made it to the second quarter of 2023... The beginning of any year is seldom soft meat for the most of us. Against the odds (and sometimes even the nods😬) you made it when others didn't... That is no small feat mate...

While we can all groan about the hurdles we've encounter the last 4 months, here's a few golden coins🪙 I've picked so far this year:

1. Started out unemployed...Being jobless (after quitting a job with no prospects of another) for 23 days taught me patience, resilience and resourcefulness. It was during this time that I decided to get serious about turning my skills (that for so long were done for free) into a profitable consultancy. Not making big buck just yet, but I'm glad it took joblessness to push me to realising my full potential. Fear of failure is not a factor anymore kuno.... 🤝🏿

2. Re-adjusting, re-aligning and repositioning... This has helped me cope through some hard times... Because nothing's permanent, your ability & agility to fitting a given situation is the new survival mode.  Otherwise, kuti wafwa nechikonko olo chigigo pamukoshi...

3. Hard work🛠️ vs smart work💼 .... Whichever way you choose to look at this phrase, it has WORK inscribed somewhere in there. So DO the work (however way you see fit). Working pays.... Nothing happens by chance- even lotto winners have to play before they win a jackpot 

4. Self- love🖤 has taken a whole new meaning for me... How I treat myself when no one's watching sets the tone for how I allow anyone else to treat me. 

Gaga Natasha sakudya nolo nimwine azidyesa. 

5. Standards are relative. Structure yours, acknowledge others and move accordingly. 

********

The last four months have brought happiness, joy, purpose, disappointment, sadness, guilt, grief and other emotions too complex for words to describe, but all in all, I AM ALIVE...

That means Bash Emma has given us another chance to have a go at another week- that should count for something, no? 🤷🏿

So show up every chance you get.

Coz at the end of the day?

Ni vi che.... Punkamo 🤜🏿🤛🏿😂

PS: The rate I'm expressing myself in Nyanja more than Bemba these days? Feels like a betrayal to the Kopala Country😂

Roller Meal & Doings

Breakfast Meal: (n) finer-textured maize meal ground to easier digestive breakdown

Roller Meal/Mugaiwa: (n) whole grain maize meal. 

This is NOT a political rant. This is about nshima.....😌

****

My first encounter with roller meal was in 2003 when dispute my mother's scoldings on eating in people's homes, I stayed over at a friend's house till they served lunch. I was served the GOAT of meals: nshima (of roller meal) with vinkubala🤤 (mopane worms).

Just looking at my plate I knew I was in for a surprise. The nshima was more brown than the white one I knew.

The first bite that had me regretting disobeying my mother. I had let my mother down by staying over for lunch kwabene, but I knew not to disgrace her by outrightly showing I hadn't had a good meal. Good home training (at least where I'm from) demands you eat what you're given- even if it's something outside your conventional diet. 

Eat it without grimace and always say thank you. Lest "umwana wa Bana Phiri balimutumpika" become the whispers in the neighbourhood. I grew up ku Kopala, even the suburbs had such gossip. 

I wasn't a picky eater (I'm still not) but this nshima looked as bad as it tasted; HORRIBLE. So horrible it managed to give the otherwise flavourful mopane worms its bitter (if not raw) after taste. 

My face gave me away (I was 7, cut me some slack). Barely a few mikusu into my meal, I gave up. I learnt it was still assumed I was a spoilt brat that didn't eat mopane worms😂. 

In those days, roller meal and mugaiwa were  common food elements in Zambian homes- middle class & lower.

Not only was it a cheaper option, the country was just recovering from mealie meal shortages in the 80s- whose trickle effect was upcoming millers just learning how to make the finer-textured breakfast meal. 

I have had roller meal a couple of times after that, but it still isn't my favourite choice of mealie meal. 

Now years later, roller meal has evolved from looking appallingly brown to a bright white- and it tastes less "bitter" too. However, the standards of living have acclimatised to breakfast meal that roller meal is now associated to low income/class & diabetic diets. Who would have thought😂.

Roller meal regained its popularity over the past two weeks. Our Veep advised the nation on substituting breakfast meal for roller meal amist hiked mealie meal prices- much to the annoyance of an already angry general public.

Surprisingly, the annoyance was more of "how dare you" than "that doesn't still doesn't solve the problem". All of a sudden, people felt insulted about buying the cheaper (and healthier) roller meal- not the situation that lead to lack of options. Few even spoke of how roller meal was STILL too expensive for mealie meal. 

It was a matter of the people's ego vs. the state. 

This uproar took me back to the 2003 scene. 

Looking back, the nshima was never the problem.....I was. 

I was unexposed to the reality of the times. I may have been young, but I was entitled too. Entitled to eating the same quality of food as my mother cooked. Entitled to not adapting to what was set before me. 

Much like 7 year-old Zaria, this nshima discussion brought out a lot of entitlement harboured in the Zambian folk. We are blinded to what we know & want that when nothing else makes sense, we can't even think of the next best thing. 

Whereas the Veep's suggestion was a little provocative during these hard times, it's not the first time someone of that status uttered such tones. Yet we still react the same way: with rage. We don't even give the right recourse. We are busy blabbering about why can't so and so do ABC.

Well, what are we doing about it in our individual capacities?

In the height of the high cost of living, what substitutes are in place to live within our means? A garden, a farm, an extra job, lower rentals, an emergency fund, a PJ?

Don't get me wrong, someone is responsible for creating an conducive living environment for us. But let's face it...it been over 2 generations since trucks handed out bread & butter on Independence Day. 

Do we have personal contingency plans for when things go left (if they haven't already😒)

Who exactly do we think is coming to save us if not ourselves?

We either make a hell of a meal out of the roller life has dealt us...... 

Or continue throwing rocks at walls. 

Anyway, ni vi life che... 

Town Mouse🐭, Village Mouse🐭

Let me start by saying that I am change enthusiast (or at least I thought I was 😬). This week put me to test.

****

Three months ago, I had chaired an end of year board meeting with all the versions of self on what direction my life would take into the new year. It was unanimously agreed that to unlock the next level of life, I had to relocate to the "big city, the metropolis" (in a friend's voice)😅, Lusaka.

For context;I was born, bred, schooled (kindergarten to varsity) and still lived on the Copperbelt. 

So you see how this our "executive" decision was easier to make than live through. I however didn't think so, because I believe in change and can weather any storm, no?

I had everything planned out: accomodations, finance, my child's education etc. I even went to lengths of talking to my 6 year old about this move so it wasn't a rude shock for her. 

In true Natasha style, I was just waiting for the "right moment".

"Right moment" came over the past weekend with a call for immediate relocation. This caused a small rift in my plans. But I'm a strong, dynamic black woman- this was nothing, right? 😅

I packed my life off to the big city, ready to start from the ground up again! Having been to Lusaka more times than anywhere else, I was confident I could adjust nicely. 

My confidence was stopped right in its tracks. On arrival, pick pockets whisked away my purse with most of my valuables.

Lesson 1: Keep your belongings safe

With not much time to recover from the theft, I had to show up for a job interview. 

And the navigation to get myself from X to Y? Pure comedy! 

🔸Had to start off 3 hours before pitch time to avoid traffic- which I still dealt with. 

🔸Went from listening to Google Maps to asking clueless security guards for direction (thank God I set 3 hours for navigation time😅)

Lesson 2: Think on your feet at all times. 

Dazed from travelling an otherwise short journey (if I was in my hometown), I waited 6 hours my turn while watching people that arrived hours after me pitch first. 

Lesson 3: Life isn't equal, no one owes you courtesy. 

Surveying the cost of basic needs (physically & not remote assumptions) was even a bigger shock to my well-tabulated plan of my savings. 

It was only 24hrs into the change I was so hyped for and I wasn't coping. 

"Nyuko mwangala" was laughing in my face. 

In the midst of self-doubt, chaotic events and culture shock, I felt unlucky. I stopped and asked myself (not all facets of Natasha) -for the first time- why I moved. 

The loudest answer was that I wanted better- in all aspects. 

So why did I think it would come easy? In a new environment? Why was I naive to the downside of my "Operation Better"? Why did I think my mere presence meant open doors?  What's with the entitlement? 

Who the hell did I think I was? 

Yes, the hard questions sometimes bring out the needed answers. In this case, I got mine.

I'm still just a village mouse navigating life in this metropolis. It may take a few more bus & Yango rides 😅 before knowing the shortest route to & fro. Bet I will get a hang of it sooner  than later.

I may live in less-desired accomodations before that dream house. We might not drive that Range Rover nangu ni Vitz 😂 just yet. That won't stop me from starting a fund toward them.

I may have to work a little smarter or harder to supplement my income- I'm not waiting to be fed grapes anyway (but I get to, good for me).

The journey to success is as diverse as our individual versions of success. Others get their break overnight. Some of us have to beat our dreams into submission like someone once said. 

After all that, it might not work out but it shouldn't be because you didn't try with everything in you. 

That's my motivation & consolation.

Meanwhile, let me get this Lusaka citizenship 😅, eat some 🧀 & mingle with the town mice. 

Nivi life che, ka? 

Over 2️⃣5️⃣Going on to 4️⃣0️⃣

 Disclaimer : This may be a long read, so stay with me 

Another year, another age... 

As I turn a year older this week, I came across an all-too-familiar a job vacancy that again cemented my age- and painfully so.

Ad read: "Candidates should be between 21-25yrs old".

Clearly, this my new age isn't the cute ones you blow up helium number balloons😅.

We are over 2️⃣5️⃣ bane! It's not dubbed "late twenties" anymore. 

As per African age standards, ndi mwaice to those older than me but can still not as young as the real young ama 2000s. Confusing? Let me elaborate. 

See at my big age, I should have:

1. Completed all components of education society seems "enough" (at least degree because I could scare away men if I'm too educated😅), 

2. Been married for 3 years, with at least 2 kids (30 is eyeing me😅)

3. Be financially independent (house, job, money car or thriving business)

4. Still be youthful, keep up with the latest fashion & lifestyle trends because why should I look like Banakulu Chali nelyo ndi mwaice😅

You need to have a status equal to your elders whilst acting your age. 

Societal expectations for the young African woman have us in a chokehold, pulling us back and forth in all sorts of directions- from tradition to modernity- in search of who we should be at such and such age...

The same society that makes it hard with the vibrant opportunities only for those between 18-25 yrs old? That won't allow you openly date below 25 but need you settled by 28? That warns you not to have too much because it emasculates you? 

This is why you see young women rushing for the finer things in life and older women wanting the younger things in life. 

You have to make it all work before you touch 30 or else all is doom by 40... There's simply no winning! 

******

So have I hit my middle-but-not-so-middle age milestones?

Far from😅

I am a single mother with have no car, no job, a limping consultancy business and no house. I do have an education- but it's outweighed by all the prior "negatives" because I have no assets or life partner to show for it 😅.

Truth is, age shouldn't dictate who you are or where you are in life. Because life isn't a 10m sprint and you aren't Usain Bolt.

I have seen Gen Z's with the maturity and richesse of a 60yr old. I've seen 40yr olds act like toddlers. I've seen 98yr olds act like 98yr olds. 

How old you are isn't what counts. It's how much you're willing to become the best version of yourself that does.

While as it would mean I'm running out of time for some, Year 27 means I'm still capable of getting to where I imagined when I started at 17😌.

I'm not in a hurry, I will relish in all the pain, tears, joys, laughter on my way to Being Zaria the Great. 

No arms folded, I'm still going to work hard this year. And if we don't get it at 27, we still have till 40, yes?

Because ni vi life che.